This blog is dedicated to my cousin, Olivia G. May her soul rest in perfect peace.
Life can present us with various amounts of grief. When people think about the word “grief”, they go straight to the idea of loss of life. Grief can be all kinds of loss. Examples including loss of expectations, time, a job, friendships, and much more. This blog will give tips for individuals experiencing grief. I’ll also discuss the things to say and not say to comfort someone who is currently grieving.
For those who are grieving:
First, the way you grieve is totally personal to you. No two people grieve the same way. Give yourself some time to process the loss. Crying, talking to someone about how you’re feeling, practicing self-care are just some of the many ways to go through your bereavement process. Radical acceptance of the loss helps alleviate a lot of undue stress and suffering. The universe wants you to win and ordains the order of how life unfolds. There is not one thing you could or couldn’t have done to avoid the loss. Allowing yourself the space and permission to show up authentically you through this time enables you to go through the grieving process. The Netflix show Big Mouth has an episode where Keith the Grief Sweater
who helps people who are grieving the loss of family members. His mantra referring to grief is “The only way out is through it”. Take your time. Be aware with yourself on what you need during this time. Don’t hesitate to share with family and friends who have offered to support you during this time. Trust that if someone offers their support that they mean it.
What to say to someone when they are grieving:
Grief is an emotion that people aren’t as familiar with like they are with others like anger, happiness, or sadness. We can sometimes not know what to say for individuals who are in bereavement. Here are some things to help you support your friend or family who is going through a loss.
“I can’t even imagine what you’re going through, but I am thinking of you”.
“I’m sending healing and comfort to you during this difficult time”.
“I hope you have peace while you process your loss”.
What not to say to someone when they are grieving:
Through the awkwardness of not trying to say the wrong thing, we can rely on these “fluffy” responses to help people feel better. Cheat code: there is nothing you can do to make someone feel better during their loss. We don’t have that power to change anyone’s emotions outside of our own. Avoid these responses when trying to comfort a grieving individual. These statements, regardless of intention, can be insensitive and cause the individual grieving more frustration and agitation than comfort.
“They’re in a better place”.
“Everything happens for a reason”.
“Someone’s situation is worse than yours”.
“Don’t cry over spilled milk”.
“What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger”.
“I understand what you’re going through” – if you have never experienced the experience before.
If you don’t know what to say when someone is grieving, say nothing at all. Holding space for people who are grieving is valuable and greatly appreciated.
Go forth and have good grief.
-Ch
